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Aspie living: story of past, vision for future

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Title: Aspie living: story of past, vision for future


1
Aspie living story of past, vision for future
  • Mircea-Valer Pauca, Romania
  • mircea.pauca_at_gmail.com

2
My early childhood
  • Parents aged 41, intellectual 3-5 generations
  • Early differences masked by heart defect (VSD)
  • Slow growth, clumsiness, walking late
  • Speech normal, reading early, special interests
  • Food intolerances, allergies
  • Heart surgery (at 6 years) gt explosive growth

3
Schools
  • Regular kindergarten, school
  • - dedicated teachers, common-sense adaptations
  • - structured environment, less distractors
  • - social shocks, bullying
  • - advanced academically, competitions
    (math,physics)
  • Elite high school computer science
  • - no bullying, prestige Magister
  • 17 years old first psychological crisis
  • absurd to struggle to gain the privilege to
    struggle more

4
Job
  • Higher studies (license BA, MA)
  • Academy of Economic Studies, Bucharest
  • Special interests optimization, applied math
    modelling
  • Worked for 6.5 years
  • Preparator, Teaching Assistant
  • mismatch with social environment, between anvil
    and hammer, contradictions official/facts
  • enthusiasm gt interrupted routines gt daily torture
    gt blocking, giving up (avoid explosive reaction)

5
Diagnoses
  • 17 yrs intellectual overexertion
  • No medication, no therapy gt Walk more -)
    still good!
  • 19 yrs (Army recruitment) immature personality
  • During job anxious-avoidant personality
  • autistic personality
  • reactive depression
  • gt medications little help, side-effects,
    expense
  • At 31 yrs Aspergers disorder better
    explanation
  • - pressure to get better, no meaningful support
  • Found Autism Romania NGO

6
How I perceive the differences
  • Knowing, analysis ABOUT systems easy, natural,
    rewarding
  • Being INSIDE complex situations, with people
    difficult, aversive, exhausting
  • Shortcuts (special abilities?)
  • Long-cuts, very frustrating (lack of some
    foundation?)
  • - Both transparent to self, hard to explain to
    others
  • The normal-hard-working path between the two
  • gt Use shortcuts, replace long-cuts with hard
    work
  • The 3 can coexist/interfere

7
Continuing problems
  • Limited self-organization, multitasking
  • being own master, slave and secretary
  • Stress reactions (PTSD?)
  • - flash-backs, associations, rumination, body
    activation (stomach, nausea, heart, sweat)
  • Social anti/motivation (weak , strong -)
  • Punished by rewards
  • Slow regeneration, chronic fatigue
  • Fluctuations in ability (with situations,
    demands)
  • Anxiety, depression only secondary effects
  • gt Heal the situation first !! before any
    medications

8
What is improvement?
  • Max. Reserve
  • Possibilities Internal cost Demands
  • (in military strategy sense forces free to react
    to control)
  • There are extra reserves for emergencies but
  • - one CANNOT live a life in emergency mode !
  • (Events like this are happy emergencies)
  • Lupus patients Theory of Spoons
  • limited resource even for assumed daily
    living

9
The Invisible Disability
  • Assumptions of normal (or better) from others
  • gt misunderstandings, blame, exploitation
  • Ugly Dilemma whats usually to choose from
  • I. assumed normal, no support, blame for all
  • II. Label, stigma help (others rigid
    perspective)
  • gt desired real help with own objectives
  • Recognize the effort to adapt both exhausting
    AND insufficient for others
  • gt Economize and concentrate it on objectives of
    best importance vs difficulty

10
Then how well live ?
  • Context world economy expected to continue
    contracting! Increased social aggressiveness
  • Peak oil 2005 gt Peak net energy gt Peak
    Everything
  • Blame NTs -) Greed, arrogance, status seeking
  • gt Private, small-scale self-administered living
  • hermits / monasteries - not necessarily
    religious
  • (grouping mostly to economize resources privacy,
    freedom of objectives up to not bothering others)
  • Minimal, intermittent support under OUR control
  • Work as option when meaningful, NOT imposed
  • HIKIKOMORI in Japan

11
  • Use it up
  • and wear it out,
  • Make it do
  • Or do without ! (World War 2 British slogan)
  • Status with authorities not even unemployed !
  • No disability degree degrading process
  • Need better alternatives than State agencies

12
My greatest wish
  • to live a livable life
  • (AS I CAN, not as others dream on my costs)
  • long enough to see and understand more of the
  • Absurd Theatre of the world and laugh at it !
  • Knowledge and control !
  • Use special interests and abilities
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