What God Has Put Together

1
What God Has Put Together

• The Dissolution of Marriage in Christian
  Perspective
• Rolan Monje, BD, MMin and
• Rico Salcedo, JD

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Introduction

• Grateful we can learn and discuss together
• We do this as a spiritual family
• This powerpoint only serves as an introduction
  many studies to follow
• Some areas are understandably difficult or
  sensitive
• We can arrive at basic principles though
  practicalities may vary

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Theme verse

• Havent you read, Jesus replied, that at
  the beginning the Creator made them male and
  female, and said, For this reason a man will
  leave his father and mother and be united to his
  wife, and the two will become one flesh ?
• So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore
  what God has joined together, let man not
  separate. Mt 19.4-6

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Marriage divorce issues

• Discussed in the Bible, though in Jewish context,
  and not as thoroughly as we may wish
• Combination of three spheres or components
  biblical, pastoral, legal
• These three components interlock and interplay in
  varying degrees

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Various aspects of divorce issues
PASTORAL/ COUNSELING
BIBLICAL/ DOCTRINAL
LEGAL/LAW-RELATED
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Components

• Doctrinal component has to do with Biblical
  standards heart behind Gods commands takes
  priority in decisions
• Pastoral component has to do with how church
  members and friends help the individuals
  concerned, working out a plan while helping teach
  and counsel
• Legal component has to do with the relevant
  laws, based on the citizenship of the individuals
  concerned e.g. divorce is non-existent in the
  Philippine setting for a couple who are both
  Filipino citizens

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Components of divorce issues

• The biblical, pastoral, and legal aspects are
  interrelated
• No aspect can be excluded from the picture,
  although the doctrinal aspect takes highest
  priority, with the pastoral aspect following
• Any situation should be assessed in view of all
  three components

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PART 1

• DOCTRINAL COMPONENT
• Gods heart ? as a perfect loving Father
• Divine standards ? because He knows best
• Timeless Principles ? to guide our hearts

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Biblical principles nature of marriage

• Marriage is between a male and a female (Gen
  1.27 Matt 19.4)
• Marriage involves sexual union (1 Co 6.16) vs.
  fornication and adultery
• Marriage involves a covenant before God (Mal
  2.24)

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Biblical principles duration of marriage

• Marriage is a lifelong commitment (Matt 19.6 Rom
  7.2)
• Marriage is not eternal (Matt 22.30)

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Points of agreement in Christendom

• Divorce is not Gods ideal (Mal 2.16), i.e. it is
  permitted but not intended (Matt 19.8)
• Divorce is not permissible for every cause (Matt
  19.9 except for immorality fornication, and
  marries commits adultery)
• Divorce creates problems

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Conflicting views

• No grounds for divorce
• One ground for divorce (Grk porneia in Matt
  19.9, meaning marital unfaithfulness)
• Many grounds for divorce

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• Biblical texts strive to prevent and limit
  divorce. Jesus teaches that divorce is evidence
  of a hardness of heart, and is merely an
  accommodation for it (Matt 5, 19). In Matt
  5.31-32, Jesus condemns a mans selfish actions
  but also shows that a woman sins when she
  remarries.

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• Only in extreme cases should a Christian be
  willing to leave his/her spouse. In fact, the
  goal of having a non-Christian spouse is to win
  that person over, despite all difficulties ( 1 Co
  7). Note that this section seems to place both
  the husband and wife on equal terms.

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PART II

• PASTORAL/COUNSELING COMPONENT
• Church Involvement ? spiritual guidance
• Counseling ? individual, intimate talks

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Pastoral/Counseling Aspects

• Principles before practice to understand the
  big picture, Biblical principles before getting
  into details
• Biblical before pastoral to grasp the heart of
  God before practical/church matters
• Pastoral before legal to assist in
  spiritual/emotional guidance before legalities

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Goals of counseling

• To assess the marriage
• To bring to light issues of the heart
• To give Scriptural perspective
• To address sin problems and sinful tendencies
• To work on a plan (e.g. 6-month marriage
  revitalization plan) for repentance even before
  annulment is considered

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Pastoral/Counseling aspects

• Steps in counseling
• Prayer
• Assessment of status of marriage
• Evaluation of legality of marriage
• Bible study of expectations of God
• Counseling appointments (together apart)
• Recommendations and 6-month plan

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Counseling talks

• Questions to ask the individuals
• What is the background of the marriage?
• What has contributed for it to get to this point?
• Is there physically harm involved?
• Why do you wish to file for annulment?
• Have you read your Bible on this?
• Have you prayed about this?
• Have you done everything Biblically to save your
  marriage?

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Counseling talks

• Examples of sin issues that arise when a couple
  considers divorce (Mt 5, Mk 7)
• Failure to open up on marriage or family
  problems, which build up after some time
• Unrighteous attraction to another person
• Past sin not dealt with or unconfessed
• Immature or hopeless attitude of escape from
  conflict or problems
• Giving to pressure from friends or in-laws

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Counseling talks

• Mt 5 and Mk 7 tell us that divorce is more a
  heart issue than anything else Jesus tells us
  that divorce is a sad revelation of the state of
  hearts
• Unlike the latitude of interpretations of Deut
  24, only in the most severe and limited cases
  (e.g. criminal liabilities, psychological
  incapacity, etc.) is divorce/annulment
  entertained in church settings
• Dealing with heart problems and sinful tendencies
  in a spiritual and guided way can be effective to
  save marriages such that divorce/annulment will
  not be necessary

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Counseling Talks

• In the book Surviving an Affair, William Harley
  advices a 6-month idealized and guided
  program to save marriages on the brink of
  collapse. Even non-Christian couples have been
  reunited by this structured program.
• In the book Connecting, Larry Crabb tells us
  that most relational problems stem from a failure
  to connect with people. Working on ways to
  connect with spiritual friends solves problems
  remarkably.

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Recommended Reading

• The Act of Marriage, The Beauty of Sexual Loveby
  Tim and Beverly La Haye
• Boundaries in Marriageby Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr.
  John Townsend
• Communication, Key To Your Marriageby H. Norman
  Wright
• Fit To Be Tied, Making Marriages Last a
  Lifetimeby Bill and Lynne Hybels

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Recommended Reading

• Surviving an Affair
• by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
• The Five Love Languagesby Dr. Gary Chapman
• The Grace Awakeningby Charles R. Swindoll
• His Needs, Her Needs, Building and Affair-Proof
  Marriage by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

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Part III

• LEGAL COMPONENT
• God expects us to follow the laws of the land
• Our conscience dictates that we abide by the
  legal procedures prescribed by the state of which
  we are citizens

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Legal Aspects

• Relevant Laws of the Land
• Executive Order No. 209The Family Code of the
  Philippines
• I. Marriage
• II. Legal Separation
• III. Rights and Obligations
• IV. Property Relations
• V. The Family, etc.

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• Republic Act No. 386The Civil Code of the
  Philippines
• Other pertinent laws regarding protection of
  women, custody of children, etc.

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Validity of a marriage

• Marriage license
• Marriage certificate
• Testimony of officiating minister
• Testimony of witnesses
• Etc.

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Dissolution of marriage in the Philippines (post
1950)

• Annulment
• Declaration of nullity
• Divorce by an alien spouse
• Declaration of presumptive death
• Muslim divorce

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Action for Annulment (voidable)

• Lack of parental consent (gt18,lt21)
• Consent obtained through fraud
• Consent obtained through force or intimidation
• Insanity or soundness of mind
• Impotence
• Affliction with STD

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Action for declaration of nullity of marriage
(void marriage)

• Underage (even with parental consent)
• No authority to solemnize
• Bigamy and polygamy
• No marriage license
• Psychological incapacity
• Subsequent marriage with incomplete documentation
• Incest
• Breach of public policy

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Divorce vs. annulment

• In divorce (which is non-existent in the
  Philippines), the grounds or reasons for such
  arise during the marriage. In declaration of
  nullity of a marriage (as provided for by the
  Family Code), the grounds or reasons are already
  existing even before the marriage, but such
  grounds may have manifested themselves only
  during the marriage.
• In practical effect, however, both divorce and
  declaration of nullity of a marriage allow the
  former spouses to get married again to other
  persons.

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e.g. psychological incapacity

• Article 36 of the Family Code provides, "A
  marriage contracted by any party who, at the time
  of the celebration, was psychologically
  incapacitated to comply with the essential
  marital obligations of marriage, shall likewise
  be void even if such incapacity becomes manifest
  only after its solemnization."

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Legal separation vs. annulment

• The grounds or reasons are different, and more
  importantly, in legal separation, the spouses are
  not allowed to get married again to other
  parties. The wife also still has to use her
  husband's surname.

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Other factors to consider

• The rights of a woman (especially in view of Mark
  10.12 and 1 Cor 7.15)
• The right to remarry (Matt 19.9)
• Legal separation as allowed by the state
  (divortium a toro et mensa)

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Moving Forward

• The church will continue to build up the
  marriages in the congregation, and seek proactive
  measures to strengthen couples in both large
  group and small group settings
• Leaders must be aware of the three components of
  divorce/annulment issues
• Couples must not be hasty in their
  decision-making even though admittedly the final
  decision belongs to them
• Situations must be tackled on a case-to-case
  basis, with much prayer and Bible study

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Closing Thoughts

• Marriage issues bear upon interrelated doctrinal,
  pastoral, and legal components with spiritual
  components (especially preventive counselling)
  necessarily taking greater weight.
• Gods word is clear and simple, yet we
  acknowledge that there are multiple involved
  situations.
• Dissolution of marriage, while in Gods
  concessionary will, is not in his ideal will.